Maguron A25's Questionnaire

Oh, aren't you a sadistic meat bag!

According to the humans I ease drop on, I am outside a village called “Fallon”, in the state of “Nevada”, in the country called the “United States of America”, on the North American continent, on Earth, in the “Milky Way”… 

I live in a factory that used to assemble appliances used for food preparation. They must have put out quite the nugatory product if it's in this state. I didn't exactly want to be here, in fact I would rather have my biomass recycled then end up on this stupid rock. The factory is a necessary evil, it provides shelter and some privacy, at the cost of sleeping in a rusty oven. From time to time, urban explorer step foot in my shelter, they provided decent sustenance, they're rather oily tasting.

I have no need for your monetary units. It's all seems digital, not backed by physical wealth, such a foolish choice. This money drives you humans to betray your own kind, your own planet, just for some fucking numbers. However, I can't seem to escape the stuff, I find it on the ground when I travel and on the humans I have to deal with.

Recently, I can upon a rather large portion of money after my mission in Iceland. All this dough could come in handy when I try to blend in with you humans, buying coffee, cars, tables, minerals, whatever the hell else you people buy. 

The mission is simple, take control of earth, it's resources and its people. A piece of cake for a fine specimen like myself. I have a 10 step plan!

1. Integrate into your society (We're close to getting this one checked off)
2. Learn your ways, culture, and history 
3. Enter the political cesspool
4. Once a rank is gained, I will work my way up in my humanoid persona
5. Break your earth defenses from the inside out
6. Shit, I didn't think that far…

Well I've said too much already! 

I don't care what I need to do to achieve this, as long as I get what I want in the end out. I'm a solider, we're used to war crimes.

If all goes well, the Emperor may notice my efforts. I may be accepted back into the Empire and return to my life, maybe I'll even be promoted to commander of this sector.

Tell anyone about this and I will drain you of your spinal fluids!

THIS!

This whole thing is the most defining moment!

I think your small brain can agree with me when I say people normally don't get banished to a backwater planet very often!  I was sitting pretty back home, high ranking solider of the Zetothoren Empire, a few awards under my belt. Life was wonderful for me! 

Yeah, so I was a little intoxicated on the coronation day of the Emperors' son. I swear it was something trying to take him out, I missed, and it struck the prince. When he dropped, so did the Zetotho Royal Scepter, it broke in two… The prince was replaceable, the Scepter was not.

Long story short, thanks to my service I wasn't recycled, just marooned here, naked.

I'd say that shit was pretty defining!

Back home, I had a good handful of friends, I'm sure I can think of three.

Adreox A02 - A good friend I meant back in the Martian wars. Your human researchers may not know, but Mars used to be all water, home to this gelatinous nut jobs, The Martians. Adreox and I kept in touch after the war. He's a Zetotho like myself, but from another one of your colonies a few systems away. This guy, I swear, the funniest motherfucker you'll ever meet.

Muscus C01 - Another fellow Zetotho. I would say he's more of a “pal” rather than friend. We met through some business affairs I had trouble with. On Earth, you call them lawyers, I think. I don't exactly have the cleanest history with public property, and my military status can only go so far.

Kent Bearford - I wouldn't call this guy a friend, in fact I hate him, but he's become a part of my life. He's the current leader of the village of Fallon. I like to go to his house at night and shit on his doorstep.