Nia's Questionnaire

If you’re asking where my spawn location was then that would be fairly ordinary dungeon. Dark, foreboding, surprisingly damp… I don’t really remember a lot of details about it. Didn’t do very much thinking back then. Queen says that’s not really what a home is. Apparently being somewhere and living somewhere are two different things. I’m sure I spent more time in that dungeon than a real person would in their house. So what’s the difference? Maybe I’ll go back there one day once I’ve gotten rid of her. For now though, I’ll keep wandering like I always do. Living somewhere… A home… Why would you ever want things like that? 

Money is pretty much useless to me. I don’t even know what I’d spend it on if I had any. I have no need for “necessities” like food and shelter and clothes. More importantly if I actually did need something why would I work to get money just to give that money to another person to get what I actually want? It’s stupid. Maybe I should get some just to throw it away… Queen would be so annoyed. Her obsession with it confuses me, like most things about her do. You’d think that someone so in love with money would have more of it.

All I want, is to go back to how I was before. Before whatever happened that caused another persons mind to be jammed into mine. Before I realized how… complicated everything is. I was never meant to be able to think, and I can tell. It’s horrible. So I find it difficult to think of things I wouldn’t do to fix myself. Of course, that’s made much more difficult by the voice in my head screaming at me whenever I commit even the slightest unpleasant action. Real people are so sensitive about things. As for death… even I find the idea unpleasant. I don’t want to stop existing, just stop being how I am now. And despite everything, I don’t want Queen to just be destroyed. It’s not like she asked to be stuck in me. So I’ll do what I can, and hope that it’s enough.

Gaining consciousness. According to Queen that was more of the start of my life than an event in it but I disagree. I existed before that, before her. It wasn’t the same and saying it was more peaceful wouldn’t exactly be true. Because it wasn’t really any emotion. I simply was. Like when a rock is thrown into a lake, it doesn’t feel anything about it. It just is. Then… Then everything. What I knew as my existence was completely changed in a single moment when she appeared. Queens mind being stuck in my own did something. Made me what I am now. I’d still say I’m similar to how I was before. Just with a lot more feelings and thinking.

I don't really... know many people. There are people I've met, but I wouldn't really qualify that as knowing. I generally prefer things that way. Most people I've seen aren't that interesting. However, there are some exceptions, the largest one being Queen. I don't have much of a choice when it comes to closeness with her being inside (or technically on top of) my head. I don't know how far the limits go but we can get vague ideas of each others thoughts and feelings. Like our minds overlap occasionally. It can be rather inconvenient, mostly for her. Let's just say I've seen more than few... questionable thoughts that she wasn't eager to share. We've learned to tolerate each other for the most part, and on occasion I even find myself enjoying her presence. Despite what it means for my existence as a whole. Now, for people outside of my head. There are only really two options. The first being a woman (women?) named Charolette. She simultaneously seems like the busiest, yet most relaxed person I've ever met. How she keeps control of all her... let's say vessels, is beyond me. I must admit, having that on top of her uncanny awareness of other's emotions makes her more than a little intimidating. Thankfully, most of her time and attention goes to taking care of the mansion she resides in, along with it's inhabitant. Which leads me to the second person, Lorelei. She is much more difficult to describe. On first meeting, I didn't think much of her. Queen had her opinions that I elected to ignore, but beyond that she didn't seem that different from the average person. Yet, the more I look, the more I see. I don't have enough sight for a full picture yet, but even I can tell there is something in her. Whether that thing is good or bad is both not my place to determine, and much to complex for me to decipher. So, instead I simply appreciate what she has done for me. Provided what I asked her for and more. 

The concept of childhood makes me… nervous. A creature changing so much in a such a short period of time is terrifying. Queen says I’m practically experiencing my own form of it right now but I strongly disagree. I wasn’t born, I was created. I was formed with design and a purpose. I have no need for growth or change. As for parents, the closest thing I’d have is programmers. However, I know nothing about them, and assume they know nothing about me. It’s better that way. I wouldn’t want them seeing me like… this. Slowly growing apart from their original design. Even if I wasn’t like how I am now, it’s not my place to know such things. Like I said, I have a purpose. All I should be doing is fulfilling that purpose how I was created to. This is simply a detour from that. Hopefully a short lived one.

Love… Despite my gradual growing understanding of people, certain concepts evade me. Concepts such as love. Queen had attempted to explain it to me many times. After every attempt, she simply says it’s something you experience, not understand. If that’s the case, I doubt I’ll ever truly get it. I have to admit, there have been a few moments where I’ve experienced… something. Appreciation? Affection? I’m unsure of the words for it, but they weren’t horrible experiences. I’d go as far to say I even… enjoyed them. Deep down I know I hope those people feel similar about the experiences. I wish I didn’t.