Alex Scott's Questionnaire

Well, I live in Seattle.  Why do I live here? I dunno, I was born here.  My parents are here.  Everyone I know is where.   Why would I live anywhere else?  Although I guess that's kind of a tautology.  If I had been born somewhere else, I'd be living somewhere else.  I wonder how my story would be going right now if I'd been born in some poor Russian village or something. 

Would I still have been selected for these jobs?  Or would I be someone completely different, no longer special enough for them?

Weird thoughts.

I dunno, it's a nice home?  My family is upper middle class.  We have a nice back yard. 

Well.. I have one of those secured credit cards for people just starting out building a credit score.  My parents pay it off every month.   It's got a 35k  limit on it, which is... a lot.  Pretty cool.  But yeah. I dunno, I don't spend it on a lot?  Some comics, some other books.  I have a Kindle, but honestly, I think I like the feeling of an actual book in my hands more. 

But.. well, if I keep having to do these jobs.. well, I was going to spend some of it on stuff that might help save my life if I'm going to go into the all-consuming darkness, but.. well, none of it helped.  But I also didn't get consumed, so, you know.  Turned out.

The world fucking sucks right now.

The rich get richer, the poor get poorer.   Capitalism just slowly and constantly chokes out the world... because it incentives that, right?  Uncontrolled growth is the name of the game right now, and fuck everyone who has to suffer for it. Not just those around me, but also those in like... overseas who work 16 hour days with no safety standards to bring me a 15 dollar t-shirt.  Like what, I'm just supposed to ignore their suffering because they're out of sight, out of mind?

What am I supposed to say to that?  Someone has to do something about it.  Might as well be me.  I'm willing to do what I need to do. 

I don't know.  I.. there haven't been a ton of defining moments.  I guess the thing that stands out most in my mind is that is the time Mr. Steel... decided to pick on me in class.  I was just shy.  I felt embarrassed.  And just wanted to sit in the back in my hoodie.  And they pointed me out and mocked me and everyone in class laughed at me and it felt like everyone at school talked about it for weeks.  It... really damaged my confidence and how I related to the other people there.  I don't know.  People suck.

My dad.  James Scott.  He's... strict. He's a big shot lawyer at a firm down town.  He's a very... manly man.  He's the kind of guy that you think of when you think 'manly man'.  And he acts like it too.

My mom.  Mary.  She's... better.  I don't know.  She's a traditionalist.  My dad likes it that way, so.. she kinda goes along with it.  I don't know.  I love her a lot. She does her best and she's never hit me or anything.  She likes to read my writing.  And that makes me really happy.  She's a painter.  Maybe I should try painting.  It might be nice.

and....

I don't know.  It feels super weird, but.. Ion, kinda.  Even if I only met her for a few hours.  I have a painting of her next to one of mine, and... I can feel the warmth from it. Even now.  Is that creepy? 

I feel like I just answered this one.  I don't know.  Bad writing.

My childhood was good.  At least, there's nothing to complain about, truly.  I mean, I've had a blessed childhood from pretty much every metric.

I have two parents - James and Mary Scott, and my dad's the breadwinner.  Very traditional.  He expects us to be traditional too.  My mom is.  I don't know.  I guess... that's a bit of friction between me and him.  He talked about putting me into a military boarding school for a while.  That that'll make me into a man.  I don't want to be a man.

I don't know.  Yes, I'm attending school.  No, I don't fit in great.  I know how to talk to people - it's not hard - it's just.. I don't know.  To fit in you have to be normal, and being normal is exhausting.  So... yeah.  There's that.  Not ideal. 

Uhhhhh... no!

No, I haven't been in love.  I... I don't know. I get crushes easily, but they're usually unrequited.  So... yeah. That's fun!  I... I'm... not good at it!  I don't know.  I'm good at talking to people, but it's tiring, and.. I'm a little weird, and girls don't like weird boys.  I mean, I don't even really want to be a boy, so that's... you know, another layer to it.

It's all so confusing and hard.  I hate it.  I hate that life is so hard, and it's like.. there's no reason it even needs to be!  And that's the worst part.