Schrodinger's Chef Bread out of rocks? Grapes out of gloves? I gotchu

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This Artifact grants you the power to enhance your tools beyond mundane limits.
Used by Delphyrion Arcanis, Created by Cryst0lline.
( You must use this Artifact obviously when activating this Effect.)

The gift appears to be a large backpack. One can put any object inside and loudly declares, while holding the backpack, "If only I had [food item]". Be sure that there are no other items in the backpack, because they will be consumed.
(Note that one cannot request a whole dish; for example, they can order plain macaroni, but not mac and cheese).

Open the backpack after five minutes to reveal the requested food item, whose output weight matches that of the input. The taste of the food will depend on the value of the object. Make sure it's exactly 5 minutes. Who knows what'll happen if it isn't.
Black goo will always seep out from the bottom of the backpack when in use.

On the backpack:
It's easy enough to mistake for any backpack at all, and Delphyrion has not put a label on it. They have lost quite a few beakers and pens to it whenever they mused about their next experiment, as they often reach epiphanies by saying, "If only I had [food item]". Perhaps that's why the artifact works this way.

On food quality:
For some reason the output quality directly ties to the price of food in Orlando. So, put a 5-cent pencil in the backpack, and you'll get a 5-cent quality potato fry.
Also, yeah, make sure it's 5 minutes exactly. This is a theoretical number; no one has tried to test its limits, hence its reference to Schrodinger.
(On a critical fail, one fails to retrieve the food in time and it is either underdeveloped or spoiled.)

On the black goo:
Delphyrion themself isn't sure what it is, nor do they ever remember to analyze it. It doesn't seem to leave any residue on the backpack itself, though it stains quite horribly on porous material including skin. With enough washes it should go away.
If consumed, call the Poison Control Center and pray.
(Also pray that you are not Dephyrion, the chemist who has had 0 interaction with any religion at all, and therefore still thinks priests can get pregnant.)

On Madness:
One gets uncontrollably angry at the sight or mention of any food that did not come out of the backpack. It feels as if one is running a state-of-the-art restaurant, yet people line up for the nearby McDonald's instead. Delphyrion feels this way towards content farms like 1-minute arts.

Expend a point of Battery and spend a minute. Select a non-Alien Device within arm's reach. Roll a single D10 as a critical failure check. If you roll a 1, the Effect fails, and you think the backpack has created the intended food item. In fact, it appears and smells more delightful than it should, to the point that you are urged to eat it right away no matter what. You will develop Vertigo upon eating the food as it turns out to be incredibly poisonous. Cannot be used to improve Armor.

Lasts the next two hours. Your target receives 2 extra dice to all actions taken for its intended use. Attacking with an upgraded weapon grants +2 Weapon Damage instead of additional dice.

Anyone who touches this Artifact will notice it warping their mind and may drop it. If they choose to hold or use it, they immediately receive the following Trauma: You must roll Self-Control to contain the urge to cannibalize yourself or the person who brought up the food. If they lose possession of this Artifact, the Trauma heals over the course of the next day.

  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used. The same is true for extra dice.
  • Extra dice from this Effect do not apply to Gift activation rolls.
  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

You are viewing an old version of this Gift.
To view the most recent version Click Here

Revision purchased with:
Improvement from running The Vermilion Manor spent on adjusting power: Schrodinger's Chef
Revision purchased with:
Gift from playing in Crois deora spent on new power: Schrodinger's Chef
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Community Artifact Crafting Gifts

This Artifact can be used as a 2020 Ford Mustang. It is roughly the same size as a 2020 Ford Mustang but can be collapsed into Necklace with a mustang and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

This 2020 Ford Mustang has Crash Test Seating and restraints for all passengers Light weight parts Nos Injector Police Scanner / Radar detector with gps Oxygen Tank in the back with nozzle for dispersing into cab. Second Conisters containing CarbonMonoxide Cab has been made water Tight. Run Flat Full Rubber Wheels can take multiple bullets and still drive 50 miles High Intensity Led Floodlights on top with optional UV setting Extra Tank set on Switch Quieted Exhaust Off Road Tire on top of the car Snowboard On top Button. Any roll to pilot this vehicle receives +2 dice.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Amphibious: Your vehicle may move on land as well as under water at its normal speed. If your vehicle includes an enclosed space, it will function as an airtight, pressurized cockpit.
  • Flying Car: Your vehicle may also fly at its normal speed. Taking off takes a full Action.
  • Steady As She Goes: The motion of your vehicle never causes your passengers dice penalties, and you do not suffer dice penalties from the unsteadiness of any vehicle you are riding in.

This item is a living thing. When targeted, it counts as a Living Creature in addition to its other target types. If destroyed or abandoned for more than two days, it dies and becomes unusable.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.

This Artifact can be used as a throwing knife. It is roughly the same size as a throwing knife and just as difficult to conceal.

Attack by rolling Dexterity + Athletics, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +2 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Chain Lightning: You may Exert your Mind to perform a chain lightning attack. If your attack succeeds, All targets within 5 feet of your primary target take full Damage. The Damage can “jump” up to 5 times. Each target can be hit only once.
  • Heavy Toss: If your attack hits a target, it either knocks them down, or knocks them back 5 feet times the attack's Outcome. Decide which before you roll.
  • Return: When you throw this weapon, you may opt to have it return to your possession at the end of the attack. Whoever threw this artifact last may use an Action to recall it from up to 100 feet away, attacking one target in its return path as they do so.

  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

Exert your Mind and spend an Action or Reaction. Roll Brawn + Melee at Difficulty 6.

If you succeed, you create a barrier around yourself, which absorbs the next Outcome + 4 Damage. Any Damage absorbed by the barrier is reflected back to the attacker, up to a maximum of the Barrier Strength Parameter’s bonus. Their Armor applies in full. The Damage reduction from the barrier is applied before Armor. This Artifact may only have 1 active barrier at a time.

You must maintain Concentration while using this Effect. The barrier will fall if you are interrupted, or if it absorbs the full amount of Damage. When a barrier falls, you cannot use this Effect again for a minimum of 2 Rounds.

When you activate this Effect, roll a single D10. if the result is 5 or lower, you receive a Severity-1 Injury and a Minor Battle Scar.

  • If you use this Effect as a Reaction to dodge, you still need to make a roll to dodge. The Effect will occur regardless of the Outcome of this roll, but if you fail you will be hit by the relevant attack prior to the Effect occurring.

Exert your Mind and spend 1 minute. Select a Computer within 20 feet. Does not work on Alien technology. Roll a single D10 as a critical failure check. If you roll a 1, the Effect fails, and you disable the artifact for a downtime as it hacks itself.. Roll Dexterity + Technology, with the Difficulty set by the GM depending on the security of the system you are hacking. Sapient targets can resist by rolling Mind at Difficulty 6.

If you succeed, you may issue a single command to the targeted system. This command must have a specific outcome or be a request for specific login credentials. The command you issue must be within the machine's current capabilities. For example, you cannot order a standard security camera to grow legs and walk around.

If your command does not require bypassing the security of the target (for example, typing on a computer that is unlocked), you do not need to Exert your Mind to activate this Effect, and activation only takes a single Action.

Every hack you make leaves behind A gif of a seal clapping and arfing. in the system as a personal "calling card" that informs anyone who uses the system that the hack occurred.

  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

The whispers rise and lower in volume with surroundings, making it harder to distinguish noise in high volume situations, but quieting when things are calm.

When it is away from them and someone uses the item it's attached to the owner's eyes turn completely white for a moment as they see the thief. With a simple prayer to Jehovah-1, a warbling, glowing white portal appears, just large enough to pull the item through after a moment. It vanishes once the item is retrieved.

This Artifact cannot be broken. If this Artifact is lost and in no one else’s possession, it finds its way back to its true owner during the next Downtime.

By default, the creator of this Artifact is its true owner. The true owner may formally bequeath this Artifact onto another person within arm’s reach, after which they are its true owner. If the true owner dies or is destroyed, their ownership ends. If this Artifact has no true owner, anyone may spend one day attuning to it to become its true owner.

If this Artifact is used by someone other than its true owner, its true owner is alerted and learns the user's appearance, direction, and distance at that moment. The true owner may use a single investigation Effect on them once at any range.

If this Artifact is in no one else’s possession, its true owner may Exert their Mind and spend two Actions to bring it to themselves.

This Artifact's true owner must have it with them to have restful sleep. They cannot regain Mind or Source while separated from this Artifact.

Anyone who touches this Artifact will notice it warping their body and may drop it. If they choose to hold or use it, they immediately receive the following Battle Scar: Constant Whispers (You suffer a -2 dice penalty to any roll which benefits from hearing. You cannot distinguish the words of others in loud situations.). If they lose possession of this Artifact, the Battle Scar heals over the course of the next day.

  • "Cannot be broken" means that damage cannot render the Artifact's Effects unusable, nor can it cease to be used for its primary mundane purpose, if it has one.

Stock Artifact Crafting Gifts

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You get +0 dice to any Mind resistance rolls you make. You also gain the following effects:

  • Naturally Resistant: Any time you make a Mind resistance roll, the individual who you are resisting must Exert their Mind, or your resistance succeeds automatically.
  • Clash Of Wills: If you fail to fully resist an Effect, your Outcome is considered to be 0.

  • These bonuses apply only to Mind rolls made to resist Effects and other supernatural phenomena. They do not apply to Trauma rolls or self-control rolls.

You gain the following benefits as long as you are wearing this Artifact.

You get +2 dice to any Body resistance rolls you make. You also gain the following effects:

  • Survivor: You are immune to all non-Alien diseases.
  • All Brawn No Brain: You suffer a -2 dice penalty on Mind resistance rolls.

  • These bonuses apply only to Body rolls made to resist Effects and other supernatural phenomena. They do not apply to other contexts such as attacks made while under the Creature Transformation Effect.