Silent Coach Ask Not For Whom La Cucaracha Honks

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An extraordinary spectral RV.
Used by BETH☠️METAL, Created by lesbianspacepirate.
On Legendary Artifact Beth's Tour Bus.

Charred and triumphant, BETH☠️METAL's exploded tour bus returns to the land of the living once more. Still, neither of them seem to have returned unaltered.

Noli respicere post tergum in infernum.


This Artifact can be used as a spectral RV. It is roughly the same size as a spectral RV and just as difficult to conceal.

This spectral RV has soundproofing. Any roll to pilot this vehicle receives +2 dice.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Mind of its Own: This vehicle can move and take Actions without you driving it. It has seven dice for all Drive rolls.
  • Steady As She Goes: The motion of your vehicle never causes your passengers dice penalties, and you do not suffer dice penalties from the unsteadiness of any vehicle you are riding in.


Community Legendary Artifact Gifts

This Artifact can be used as a sword / axe. It is roughly the same size as a sword / axe and just as difficult to conceal.

Attack by rolling Brawn + Melee, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +4 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • This melee weapon may extend for a single attack up to 50 feet away. Retracting back into its usable size is a Quick Action.
  • Pin: If you Injure a target with an Attack, you may choose to leave your weapon. If you do, the target is “pinned” to that location until the weapon is removed. Removing the weapon increases the Severity of that Injury by 2.

  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

Holographic paper, memory plastics, invisible ink, memory metals, perception filters, none of these could get the job done right on their own, and some couldn't even function as intended with normal science. Apply esoteric science via enchantment and alchemy however, and you have this.

Sadly, it was half accident after eight failures that this one finally worked. I can't replicate it, I'm not sure anyone else could either.

This Artifact can change its appearance. When not transformed, it is roughly the same size as a passport and just as difficult to conceal.

Spend a Quick Action to activate. This Artifact changes into one of the following Objects: badge. This lasts until you decide to end the Effect, which may be done as a Free Action.

The new object's appearance can mimic specific items (such as a particular painting, a certain person’s ID, etc), but must be of a similar size and weight to this Artifact.

Your Artifact makes a genuine transformation into the new Object; it is not illusory, and the Object has fully normal and expected functionality. Any functionality which the Artifact previously possessed will not be useable until the transformation is ended.

When used as identification and scanned, the scanner will act appropriately and bring up appropriate generic information. Further searches for the identity in the computer will turn up no results. This will not open security doors on its own.

  • Changing the Artifact’s appearance does not allow you to conceal its Alien nature while any of its other Effects are in use.

Exert your Mind and spend an Action. Select a Living target within 25 feet. This Effect cannot be used unless the target has hurt anyone. Roll Intellect + Medicine at Difficulty 6. Your target may resist by rolling Body at Difficulty 8.

If you succeed, the target is afflicted with a Condition that causes any number of the following symptoms:

  • Disabled: The target suffers from an affliction that leaves them unable to act at full strength, such as physical pain, severe fever, intense fatigue, etc. They take a -2 penalty to all physical actions, which grows by -1 every hour until it reaches your Outcome.
  • Poisoned: The target gains a Severity-1 Injury which ignores Armor and doesn’t heal naturally. For every hour that passes, they receive a new identical Injury. If this new Injury would kill them, they roll 1d10 at Difficulty 6. Success cures the condition; otherwise, they will die.
  • Wasting Away: The target’s body is being eaten away by the affliction. Immediately on being afflicted, and again for every hour that passes, they will obtain a new Major or Minor Battle Scar.
Symptoms begin to appear immediately, and will remain and continue to worsen until the affliction is cured. The affliction is not contagious and will not spread to others.

The affliction is not treatable by modern medicine. It may be diagnosed by rolling Intellect + Occult at Difficulty 6, and can be cured by eating a ‘red delicious’ apple.

Anyone who touches this Artifact will notice it warping their body and may drop it. If they choose to hold or use it, they immediately receive the following Battle Scar: shoulder subluxation. If they lose possession of this Artifact, the Battle Scar heals over the course of the next day.

  • Successfully diagnosing an affliction also includes information about the treatment method.
  • The chosen method of treatment must be something that you could obtain in a small town given an afternoon.
  • Curing an affliction removes the Condition, but does not automatically heal any Injuries, Battle Scars, or Traumas which may have been caused by that condition.
  • This Effect’s symptoms do not stack with themselves on multiple applications.
  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

Spend a minute to activate. Select a target Object within arm's reach. At the end of your investigation, roll Intellect + Investigation at Difficulty 6.

You learn all the following information about your target:

  • You gather information about where the object was made and when.
  • You learn the object's intended function and how to use it for its intended purpose, though not necessarily the ability to do so.
The quality and specificity of information gained depends on your Outcome.

This Gift's Cost is capped at 2 and cannot be increased further.

  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.

Expend a point of Battery and spend 1 minute to activate. Select a Living target within arm's reach. Choose a specific Injury on your target that has not yet been treated with this Effect and roll Intellect + Medicine at Difficulty 6.

If you succeed, the Injury is reduced in Severity by your Outcome, unless it had Severity 4 or higher, in which case its Severity remains the same. If you reduce its Severity to 0, the Injury is fully healed. Otherwise, it is partially healed and will heal the rest of the way at its natural rate.

This counts as a successful Makeshift Stabilization if the Injury was not already Stabilized; any Battle Scars caused by the Injury will remain.

  • Unstabilized wounds do not degenerate during treatment.
  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.

Stock Legendary Artifact Gifts

This Artifact produces ephemeral projectiles that can be used as a javelin.

Attack by rolling Brawn + Athletics, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +3 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Chain Lightning: You may Exert your Mind to perform a chain lightning attack. If your attack succeeds, All targets within 5 feet of your primary target take full Damage. The Damage can “jump” up to 5 times. Each target can be hit only once.
  • Magic Quiver: Instead of throwing this Artifact, it is an object that produces an endless supply of temporary throwable objects. For example, bracers that allow you to throw ethereal javelins, or a sack of throwing rocks that doesn’t shrink when you withdraw one.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.
  • Created projectiles last only until they strike their target and cannot be shared or stockpiled.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

This Artifact holds 5 times what it normally could inside of it. Objects stored inside are weightless. Unless you are storing something commonly found in coffins, this Artifact behaves as its mundane counterpart. This Effect cannot be used unless you are storing something commonly found in coffins.

Living things can be stored in this Artifact. They will have access to anything else inside and may attempt to break free, damaging or destroying the Artifact in the process.

If this Artifact is destroyed, things inside may get out, and it will cease to function until it is repaired.

When scanned or investigated without opening, the contents of this container appear normal and unremarkable.

On a Downtime, you may change this Artifact from one type of container to another. Maximum once per Downtime.

If anyone other than you opens the container, it appears empty. Others can still destroy it to get at the contents.

  • You cannot change the container's type if you are not in possession of it.
  • A container of holding cannot be placed inside another created by the same Gift.
  • There is no cost to use this container.

This Effect activates whenever you are recorded. It does not require an Action or Exertion. Select a Non-Sapient Object within 20 feet no larger than a duffel bag (35 liters). Your target should be intuitively based on the triggering event. Roll Perception + Culture Difficulty 6.

If your Outcome is 4 or higher, the target will be completely destroyed and can no longer function, though it may still be repaired. If your Outcome is less than 4, the target will be partially damaged, and any attempts to use it will suffer a dice penalty equal to your Outcome.

  • When triggered, the Effect activation resolves immediately after the triggering Action. It is not Reaction speed.
  • The penalty from an object being damaged will stack with itself if a target is hit multiple times, but the object is destroyed when it reaches a total penalty of -4.
  • You can target yourself if you qualify as a valid target by the other requirements.
  • Your target must be within line of sight, or within range of another sense if more fitting for the Gift's flavor.

This Artifact can be used as a sword / axe. It is roughly the same size as a sword / axe and just as difficult to conceal.

Attack by rolling Brawn + Melee, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +4 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Mjolnir: You may call your weapon back to your hand as a Quick Action if it is within 50 feet of you. Can only be used on melee weapon that you have wielded in the past hour.
  • Shredder: If you successfully hit your target, the value of any Armor they are wearing is reduced by 2. For material armor, this penalty lasts until it is repaired. For intrinsic armor, it lasts until the end of Combat and any relevant wound is healed.

  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

This Effect activates whenever you are submerged in salt water. It does not require an Action or Exertion. Your target should be intuitively based on the triggering event.

You transform into small for two hours or until you choose to end the Effect. See the Extended System text for stats.

While transformed, you cannot use any equipment (including Artifacts and Consumables), and you cannot use your Active, Targeted, or Trap Powers. However, you can use your Passive Powers. Any equipment you are wearing transforms with you.

Injuries and Wound Level are carried over between forms. However, transforming can never kill you; you merely remain Incapacitated until your Injuries are sufficiently healed.

  • When triggered, the Effect activation resolves immediately after the triggering Action. It is not Reaction speed.
  • Creature Stats
    • Medium (large house cat up to human) Body 3. Brawn 1. Dexterity 3. Fall damage reduced by 1.
    All creatures get +3 dice to any non-combat Action that they are naturally adapted for. All creatures Medium and larger may attack by rolling Body, dealing +0 Damage (+1 for “predators”). Gms and Playgroup leaders can apply other bonuses and effects to specific animals.
  • Animals that are quicker than humans (like dogs) have 50 feet of Free Movement. Animals that are very slow (like turtles) have 0 feet of Free Movement.
  • You cannot transform if there is not enough room to do so.
  • The form you take must have the same stats and abilities as a single, extant animal of the relevant size.