Silent Coach Ask Not For Whom La Cucaracha Honks

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An extraordinary spectral RV.
Used by BETH☠️METAL, Created by lesbianspacepirate.
On Legendary Artifact Beth's Tour Bus.

Charred and triumphant, BETH☠️METAL's exploded tour bus returns to the land of the living once more. Still, neither of them seem to have returned unaltered.

Noli respicere post tergum in infernum.


This Artifact can be used as a spectral RV. It is roughly the same size as a spectral RV and just as difficult to conceal.

This spectral RV has soundproofing. Any roll to pilot this vehicle receives +2 dice.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Mind of its Own: This vehicle can move and take Actions without you driving it. It has seven dice for all Drive rolls.
  • Steady As She Goes: The motion of your vehicle never causes your passengers dice penalties, and you do not suffer dice penalties from the unsteadiness of any vehicle you are riding in.


Community Functional Gifts

This Artifact can be used as a handgun. It is roughly the same size as a handgun but can be collapsed into A lighter and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

Attack by rolling Dexterity + Firearms, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +4 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Any Injury inflicted is considered Unstabilized no matter its Severity. The roll required to Stabilize it is treated as though it is a minimum of Severity 6. These wounds do not heal naturally, though Effects may still be used to heal them.
  • Bane: Injuries dealt to Warlocks and Patron Deities of Warlocks are increased by 2 Severity levels.
  • Infinite Ammo: This weapon never runs out of its standard ammunition.
  • Shredder: If you successfully hit your target, the value of any Armor they are wearing is reduced by 2. For material armor, this penalty lasts until it is repaired. For intrinsic armor, it lasts until the end of Combat and any relevant wound is healed.
  • Silencer: The report of any shots you fire may be made silent at will.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.
  • Rifles are +1 Difficulty to use in melee range. Sniper Rifles are +3 Difficulty to use without a tripod or in melee range. Setting up a tripod takes an Action.

This Artifact can be used as a RV. It is roughly the same size as a RV but can be collapsed into toy RV and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

This RV has a living space with gas and electric/storage.. Any roll to pilot this vehicle receives +2 dice.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Daredevil: Damage you and your passengers take from vehicle collisions is reduced by 2, and any Injuries suffered are limited to a maximum of Severity 4.
  • Drive-By: You may drive or pilot your vehicle as a Free Action, without taking any penalty on other Actions.
  • Force Field: You may Exert your Mind and spend an Action or Reaction to ignore all Damage and destructive Effects against your vehicle this Round.
  • Mind of its Own: This vehicle can move and take Actions without you driving it. It has seven dice for all Drive rolls.
  • Steady As She Goes: The motion of your vehicle never causes your passengers dice penalties, and you do not suffer dice penalties from the unsteadiness of any vehicle you are riding in.

This item is a living thing. When targeted, it counts as a Living Creature in addition to its other target types. If destroyed or abandoned for more than two days, it dies and becomes unusable.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.

Holographic paper, memory plastics, invisible ink, memory metals, perception filters, none of these could get the job done right on their own, and some couldn't even function as intended with normal science. Apply esoteric science via enchantment and alchemy however, and you have this.

Sadly, it was half accident after eight failures that this one finally worked. I can't replicate it, I'm not sure anyone else could either.

This Artifact can change its appearance. When not transformed, it is roughly the same size as a passport and just as difficult to conceal.

Spend a Quick Action to activate. This Artifact changes into one of the following Objects: badge. This lasts until you decide to end the Effect, which may be done as a Free Action.

The new object's appearance can mimic specific items (such as a particular painting, a certain person’s ID, etc), but must be of a similar size and weight to this Artifact.

Your Artifact makes a genuine transformation into the new Object; it is not illusory, and the Object has fully normal and expected functionality. Any functionality which the Artifact previously possessed will not be useable until the transformation is ended.

When used as identification and scanned, the scanner will act appropriately and bring up appropriate generic information. Further searches for the identity in the computer will turn up no results. This will not open security doors on its own.

  • Changing the Artifact’s appearance does not allow you to conceal its Alien nature while any of its other Effects are in use.

This Artifact produces ephemeral projectiles that can be used as a throwing knife.

Attack by rolling Dexterity + Athletics, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +2 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Hail Storm: You may Exert your Mind to make an attack with against all targets within a 120 degree arc in front of you. Your full attack Outcome applies to each of them, but they may attempt to Dodge or Defend if they are aware of the attack.
  • Magic Quiver: Instead of throwing this Artifact, it is an object that produces an endless supply of temporary throwable objects. For example, bracers that allow you to throw ethereal javelins, or a sack of throwing rocks that doesn’t shrink when you withdraw one.
  • Virtuoso's Vessel: When using this Device for its primary purpose, you always roll a minimum of 8 dice. Excludes Effect activation rolls.

  • Created projectiles last only until they strike their target and cannot be shared or stockpiled.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

This Artifact can be used as a great sword / giant axe. It is roughly the same size as a great sword / giant axe but can be collapsed into A cat cosemetic and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

Attack by rolling Brawn + Melee, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal 3 Weapon Damage +3 Bonus Damage. The target's fully effective

This item is a living thing. It counts as a Creature when targeted. If destroyed or abandoned for more than two days, it dies and becomes unusable.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Blade Breaker: If you successfully Defend against a melee attack or if an opponent is unsuccessful at Defending against your melee attack, you may break your opponent's weapon.
  • Shredder: If you successfully hit your target, the value of any armor they are wearing is reduced by 2. This penalty lasts until the armor is repaired.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

Stock Functional Gifts

This Artifact can be used as a blimp. It is roughly the same size as a blimp but can be collapsed into a phone-sized canvas cube and concealed. Collapsing or expanding it costs a Quick Action.

This blimp has full science laboratory, bullet-proof envelope, and ample parachutes. Any roll to pilot this vehicle receives +2 dice.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Crew of One: You alone may stand in for an entire crew if the vehicle would normally be piloted by more than one.
  • Mind of its Own: This vehicle can move and take Actions without you driving it. It has seven dice for all Drive rolls.
  • No Muffler: Any stealth rolls made to hide your vehicle automatically fail, and any rolls made to notice your vehicle automatically succeed.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.

This Artifact produces ephemeral projectiles that can be used as a javelin.

Attack by rolling Brawn + Athletics, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +3 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Chain Lightning: You may Exert your Mind to perform a chain lightning attack. If your attack succeeds, All targets within 5 feet of your primary target take full Damage. The Damage can “jump” up to 5 times. Each target can be hit only once.
  • Magic Quiver: Instead of throwing this Artifact, it is an object that produces an endless supply of temporary throwable objects. For example, bracers that allow you to throw ethereal javelins, or a sack of throwing rocks that doesn’t shrink when you withdraw one.

  • If there is not enough free space to expand the object, it cannot be expanded. You cannot expand this Object as an attack.
  • Created projectiles last only until they strike their target and cannot be shared or stockpiled.
  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.

This Artifact holds 5 times what it normally could inside of it. Objects stored inside are weightless.

Living things can be stored in this Artifact. They will have access to anything else inside and may attempt to break free, damaging or destroying the Artifact in the process.

If this Artifact is destroyed, things inside may get out, and it will cease to function until it is repaired.

When scanned or investigated without opening, the contents of this container appear normal and unremarkable.

If anyone other than you opens the container, it appears empty. Others can still destroy it to get at the contents.

  • A container of holding cannot be placed inside another created by the same Gift.
  • There is no cost to use this container.

This Artifact can change its appearance. When not transformed, it is roughly the same size as a passport and just as difficult to conceal.

Exert your Mind and spend an Action to activate. This Artifact changes its appearance into an Object within the category of forms of identification. This lasts until you decide to end the Effect, which may be done as a Free Action.

The new object's appearance can mimic specific items (such as a particular painting, a certain person’s ID, etc), but must be of a similar size and weight to this Artifact.

The new appearance is illusory; it will hold up to scrutiny, but its composition is not altered and it gains no new functionality. Any attempt to use it for a function which it cannot perform (for instance, making bread look like a knife and then trying to stab someone) will cause the illusion to fail or allow a Perception check to see through the illusion, at the GM's discretion.

This Artifact can be used as a sword / axe. It is roughly the same size as a sword / axe and just as difficult to conceal.

Attack by rolling Brawn + Melee, Difficulty 6. Successful attacks deal Contested Outcome +4 Weapon Damage.

You also gain the following effects:

  • Mjolnir: You may call your weapon back to your hand as a Quick Action if it is within 50 feet of you. Can only be used on melee weapon that you have wielded in the past hour.
  • Shredder: If you successfully hit your target, the value of any Armor they are wearing is reduced by 2. For material armor, this penalty lasts until it is repaired. For intrinsic armor, it lasts until the end of Combat and any relevant wound is healed.

  • Reminder: additional Weapon Damage granted by this Effect does not stack with any other bonus to Weapon Damage. Instead the largest bonus is used.