Guess who’s finally making it out there! That’s right, me, AND I’m writing all my adventures up. No more will my business be a side store, we’re going to be expanding! 

It started when this man-Midas-showed up and asked ME to help, I mean, of course he would right. I’m pretty much the best at my trade..whatever that is at this point. And even better, everyone there practically folded in my presence, believed I was absolutely unharmable by their powers. There was also, what was his name? Sun Wukong, nice guy, unfortunately I am nicer than him. We spent a while arguing on who should go ahead first. He will not be out-mannering me, I can promise you that purple work notebook.

I have to say, it all hurt though. You won’t believe how close to death I came, I think one mpre injury and I would’ve been GONE…but I hung on, and despite how awful I felt afterwards..and the day after, the adrenaline and the sick missing eye sort of made up for it.

I think that without me and the fact I was the one to outlast those creatures, the rest of them would’ve succumbed too.

Probably..

Well, well this was a WEIRD one.

So, get this. There’s me, some kid who kept talking to himself, a Russian man I forget the name of immediately and someone made of literal bubblegum. 

When we were sent to this event I thought it’d be..easier than it was, but we got it done anyway, all thanks to me I’m sure. But, well after looking at the fish, great fish by the way, we had to find those members of that sons something or other.…

…

I killed a man. It was in self defence and I mean I don’t have anything against it but. Well.

It was just, strange. I’d talk more about the squid people or the experiments we saw, but I can’t stop thinking about the bathroom altercation. 

He swung at me and I had no choice but to reciprocate. I had to just keep punching and tackling, and the blood it. Well, it sprayed everywhere. All over me. All over the tiles. All over the mirrors. It should’ve been horrifying really, but it gave me some sense of accomplishment, I guess having power over the guy who had tried to yoink out my lights gave me some satisfaction..

Let’s, not think about the ramifications of that. I mean, I’m not going to go triggercrazy anytime soon or anything like that anyway, it was a first and probably a last. At least in a situation like that, close quarters and weirdly personal.

Well, it was a success and I’m sure many more will be just the same as long as I am amongst the chosen contractors.

I, the best choice, top occultist of all time, have done it again. Midas, the boss, the professional, came into my office in the hours of night with a lament, practically tears in his eyes with a job only I could accomplish-with a little help of course.

So, you know me, always wanting to help out for the greater good, and for the reward, not that that’s the important thing. I was off, wayward, to the apartments! Of..Germany? I forget where, I’m not German nor do I speak it. Maybe I should learn though..could be some good clientele in Germany.

Now, where was I? Oh, right. So we got there to speak to this man about who the sorcerer causing trouble was and we found him in a state, my associate..Sos…njh.. Sos. Yep, got us in with the old lockpick trick, and this old guy was on his last legs, I had to call the German emergency number, and tell them I was his grandchild.

Medics took him out, and before police got there to question us as to why there was a dent in his chest we scoured that place and got outta there with my handy rope. Whew, glad I’m just about nimble enough to slide down it still. From there, after a food break at mcdonalds, we found that there was a club in the area that attracted supernatural attention, so of course that was our first go-to.

Getting there was easy, but I had a trick up my sleeve, busting out the oldest trick in the book. OBA SU! THIS TIME THE GREATEST HEALTH INSPECTOR OF THE 21ST CENTURY.

I didn’t do much health inspection, the place seemed fine enough, but they took the bait and we made it to the boss. Past..drunk Germans. Anyway, he told us we were a bunch of morons for the supernatural sorta stuff, even saying no to a gamble. Who does that? Weren’t really even any stakes. OR SO WE THOUGHT! Turns out, this boss? That was the sorcerer, and with me and Sos, my punches and salt and his..strange clawing at the spirits. We exorcised them all! 

Sorcerer was dealt with, and another win under my belt. I’ve GOT to advertise this.

Pain.

The last thing I remember before collapsing was seeing Lau, Jolly and..a man I’ve never met before, before I collapsed. I heard the voices of my employees but wasn’t up long enough to see them. Everything burnt, everything still burns.

The contract itself went as it usually does, as the others did. I did everything like I usually did. But..

It could’ve been a hand, a leg, something like that. But…

When I fell into that well, I could hardly muster the strength to pull myself out of that stupor. I knew somewhere in me what would ultimately happen, and for a moment to be ripped apart seemed like something that I did want. I mean, I’ve been trying for as long as I’ve known with my day to day habits regardless. But, when I felt it too much I fought back. I struggled. I could have let myself go in the easiest way possible but I chose not to. 

Lau and Jolly, they fought back against that current so easily. I did not. And I only did it because I was scared. Because I had second thoughts.

And now I’m here.

It seems my employees dragged me to the hospital, I’m glad they care more about me than I care about myself. But I woke up here, in this hospital bed. Alone. Nothing but the noises of beeping machinery from the other rooms and a pale white bed. I look horrible. I feel horrible.

What am I doing? Lau was right. I am a coward.

I have to get out of here.

I am surprised the hospital did not keep me for longer. I can barely hold this pen enough to write this out, but I’m home now. I’ve been home for a little while. At least I have Nathaniel to help me, no one else would want to.

I can walk again, slowly. And I can eat mushy foods that I am sick of. I have to change my bandages every day, and use every salve known to man.

They didn’t really ask questions in the hospital, just looked at me with pity. Eugh.

Everything feels like a constant blur, days melt into eachother. I keep my blinds closed, so the sun doesn’t blind my remaining eye, and I just think. Sometimes I shuffle about my own house. And yesterday, I saw myself in the mirror. 

I’ve set myself back, here I am, scrawling letters on this paper covered in blood and glass..did I deserve this?

 [It’s illegible scribblings…]

When Midas walked into my home, lingering in the doorway. I have to admit, I was unsure how to react. Part of me wanted to screech at him and the consequences of what happened, but the past..well it’s in the past, isn’t it? Besides, what better opportunity to try out new and interesting things than another contract?

To my surprise there was at least one familiar face, that of Jolly. I believe I’m growing attatched to him, having had him see me at my worst suffering. As well as this there was a new face, Lacey I think he was. Says we’re friends now, fine by me. I seem to be collecting quite the roster of cannibals.

Anyway, the place we had to get into was very tightly guarded, but we all had our moments of teamwork, taking out the tower guards. Who knew shooting someone’s head open would be so fun! Haha! Well, am I GLAD I spent my time perfecting my aim.

When reinforcements were sent to deal with us I put on the best show to date, not only did they truly believe I was this ‘Joshua’ I made up, but most of them stuck with it to the very end, even when I had punched out their priest leader. What a sad man he was.

The prisoners, ultimately, seemed to have revolted and made it out with us just fine. Perfect, as usual with me, I get the job done afterall.

And oh, I have both a zoo and a cabin to visit now…and a new rifle and explosives to my name. You can never be too careful afterall, hm.

I should get out more! How I have missed this..

Since I am out and about again, I decided it was due time I visited the office again. And so I did.

I gave the workers a choice to stay, or go, because I was taking it in a new direction. We’d still deal with the supernatural of course, weird ghoul exorcisms and the like with my talents, but I’ve made a few connections, and we’d be a front for something more.

Surprisingly, they stayed. Well, Mr. Oldina says he’s going to Vegas soon for his retirement, but they all stayed anyway.

Today was a weird one, not in that usual contract weird way either, I was taken to Britain, London. Because I was approached by a politician who I shall not name here, let’s just say I can’t believe GA5 employed that guy.

Well, uh. I can’t even really formulate my words but we, me and my fellow contractors were taken into parliament because there was a haunting. Hauntings are my thing, they aren’t too hard to deal with and today was no different but the haunting was..

Margaret Thatcher. In London parliament. We had to..well, somehow I convinced this..creepy spectre that I was a British man, and then we had to drag her back to hell through the horrible glowing portal in the middle of parliament.

There were two others, a man called Anders who is apparently a bartender of somekind, he seemed..normal? I think. And, a young man called Lacey, he asked if we were friends and I said yes, I guess every kid needs some kind of positivity from their elders, anyway he was the weirder of the two, some kind of…thing. I don’t know, no idea. It was a weird day okay! But, he eats people and things and whatever he can eat really..helpful to be able to do.

Anyway, in the end this ghost was no match for us and parliament is no longer haunted by the Iron Lady, and hopefully she’s been banished back to the underworld to suffer eternally more. I’m sure glad I’m not a British man.

This time Midas approached me with work, not unusual, and then he sent me back in time. Unusual.

So, the five of us-

Jolly was there, I was happy to see him, and so was this Goblin, and this bird who could talk, and sounded like he was from New York. We spoke to the locals of this medieval town, and managed to sell ourselves as some sort of mercenary group going up against the dragon, I had a few conversations where I had to sell myself as some sort of under equipped samurai as I struggled to remember anything about my own country’s history. I never really paid attention there, but they bought it, they always do.

After preparing we made our way to the dragon, where it was apparently hiding, and it was..big. It’s hard to describe a dragon when it really comes down to it, but it was big and somewhat reptillian, yellow, blue, red. It’s wingspan was massive and it moved the trees like a heavy wind. Our inventory’s were changed to best suit the environment we were in, so I couldn’t exactly use the firearms I brought with me, so I had to rely on the others for that, my katana isn’t exactly suited for long rage combat with a dragon anyway.

I was surprised to see the bird become..many more birds, and fight a dragon in the air. It sounds stupid now I’m writing it, but that’s when I was approached by a man, some kind of knight..I thought he’d be there to help but..

That knight was NOT there to help, instead he stood there and shouted at me to stop helping them kill the dragon, because he wanted it alive to.. ‘make the market price of the land go down’ what on earth was his deal? After refusing, he attacked me and I had to stop trying to help with the dragon to hold him off instead, for a knight I thought he’d best me in terms of sword combat but I managed to hold my ground whilst the others held theirs.

Magnús has an incredible ability, he made the dragon afraid of it’s own fire, so it’d stop trying to burn us to a crisp. From here, the fight with the dragon gets hazy in my mind because of the damm knight, but I think mostly it went successfully, and we managed to get away majorly unscathed, unburnt and un-sliced by this extra man’s sword.