Oasis - The Best Restaurant in Town!

A well dressed reporter looks directly into the camera with the restaurant, Oasis, located in Maple Valley, Washington.  She's looks happy to be here.

"Hello!  I'm Kaylee with Local Channel 8 News!  I'm here today in front of a local treasure!  The Oasis!  It's run and operated by Penelope Varela.  Penelope has been running the Oasis for a bit of time now.  I have Penelope with me right here.  Penelope, what is your goal with the restaurant?"

The camera pans out to show Penelope Varela standing next to the reporter.

"Thank you for having me on the program today Kaylee!  My goal is to provide a safe place for the down and out for those people in our society!  Sustainability is another major goal of my restaurant."

"Fascinating!  Can you tell me what inspired you to start the restaurant?" Kaylee asks.

"Well, I didn't have the best start in life, but I managed to escape it.  I hope to give people who like me a chance to escape as well." Penelope answers the question.

"How noble of you!  What's the furthest you've ever seen someone come to visit your restaurant?" Kaylee asks.

"I'm not in the habit of asking about people's past.  I don't want to bring up bad memories they may be carrying.  However, I can say someone came all the way from Texas to pay a visit!"

"Really?  That's quite a ways!  Thank you for your time today Penelope," Kaylee finishes with a cute smile.

"Thank you for having me on your program today!" Penelope replies.

"This is Kaylee with Local Channel 8 News!  Back to you Tom!" Kaylee finishes the field report.

Clown report intensifying

A month after the initial wave of clown-related disturbances, the situation has escalated in a surreal and alarming direction. Reports are now emerging of individuals dressed as clowns with animal features; ears, tails, fur-covered suits... Some were visibly armed and moving in coordinated groups. Eyewitnesses describe them as a hybrid between street performers and paramilitary cosplayers.

“These aren’t birthday party clowns,” said one shaken resident. “One of them had a wolf mask, a rainbow vest, and what looked like a real rifle.”

Authorities have yet to confirm the legitimacy of the weapons, but the tone has shifted from ridicule to concern. Investigators believe this could be an offshoot of the so-called Circus of Carnage, a radical performance gang previously dismissed as a joke.

Now, no one is laughing.

Eccentric Millionaire buys Island

// A local paper in San Francisco reports on some activity from a local millionaire. This is covered in small papers, not a national headline

"In other news, Local Millionaire owner of Waretech has purchased an Island over this last week. Reporters reached out to the company, attempting to determine the reason for the purchase, and if this is a sign of potential future offshoring.

A PR representative from Ware tech stated 'This Island is for a small number of operations and research but will in no way displace the employees or facilities currently employed at Waretech. All employees will be hired from moved from existing branches.'

Our network reached out for details on what type of operations are expected, and if the construction would use American labor, and got no response."

Breaking News: Cult leader of the Golden path gone missing out of prison

BBC News States:

Famous Cult leader of the Golden Path Zhòng de Piànzǐ has gone missing. He was placed in the United States Penitentiary, Administrative Maximum Facility for his crimes including: human trafficking and the distribution of narcotics. Insider information has been revealed that Zhòng was seemingly transferred after some conflict in the prison, but nobody knows his current where abouts. Insiders told us, that he had been on good behavior for the two months he has been there, which makes the whole occurrence even more odd. 

The prison warden has not yet made a statement in regards of what happened to Zhòng. 

We will let you know if anything new arises in this story.

Another Atrocity in Goshen, Indiana

FOX NEWS

[Video footage:  Goshen General on fire in the distance.  Tracer fire is visible.  An explosion goes off in the distance.]

[Video byline: Another tragedy strikes Goshen, Indiana.]

"Once more, our hearts go out to Goshen, Indiana, as another terrible attack from magical creatures occurs.  Goshen General was attacked by supernatural creatures earlier this night, and the national guard response was swift and brutal.  Large parts of Goshen General have been destroyed.  But here, we have a citizen of Goshen..."

[Video footage:  Older woman in nurse outfit, partly singed.]

"WE WON'T GIVE UP OUR CITY TO THESE DAMN NAZI WEREWOLVES.  WE'RE AMERICANS! WE WILL REBUILD, AND WE WILL CRUSH THEM AND EVERYONE WHO SYMPATHIZES WITH THEM BENEATH OUR BOOTS!"

[Video footage: Goes back to the announcer]

"And that's that, folks.  Good old American determination.  Next up, why empathy is a weakness in America..."

Masked man seen breaking into apartment

Police last week were called to a break in upstate New York. A basement apartment was broken into by a man fully covering his face, including his eyes. 

Police found at the scene a young man, Samual "Skeever" Dark. He had several serious injuries caused by arrows, but by some miracle, all of them look like they will heal without any complications.

"Yeah, it was really weird." Reports Samual from the hospital.

"He woke me up by whispering in my ear and then shot me. He took some of my things and left.... But he also poured a bowl of milk for my cat and told me to get my act together for my cat.... It was very strange, but also a very clear sign that I had hit rock bottom."

Samual has since entered into a heroin rehab program voluntarily. 

Worrying clown reports

In a bizarre and unsettling trend, local reporter Anna Kresnik warns of a disturbing rise in what authorities are calling “vomiting crimes”, offenses committed by individuals dressed as clowns, often accompanied by theatrical bouts of vomiting.

Over the past two weeks, witnesses have reported clowns throwing up confetti, paint, or glitter before vandalizing property or stealing items in a chaotic frenzy.

“It’s performance art turned criminal,” Kresnik writes, urging officials to take the threat seriously.

Some fear it’s part of a larger, organized movement, advising to be careful at night from now on and until further notice. 

Police remain baffled and cautious.

Russian genius

Natasha Volkova, a known and respected teacher, has recently been talking to her friends about her last student.

A man able to master Russian in less than a month. 

A lot of people are accusing her of propagating rumors to make her look like a genius teacher but some researched about the man in question and thought it normal for an FBI agent to be exceptional.

She is now looking for another teacher for the same man, but this time to teach him French.

She is even saying he wants to learn other well spoken languages like Spanish, Serbian and Croatian.

100 Families Missing / Restaurant Disappears & Reappears!

100 Families Missing

Last Night 100 families disappeared from the small Irish town of Birr, Ireland.  The local community is devastated.  Only one child has turned up.  The child is being held at a local hospital for treatment.  The child was found covered in blood, cuts, and bruises.  The search for the families is on going.

Restaurant Disappears then Reappears

The restaurant, Oasis, in Maple Valley, WA has reportedly disappeared for about 10 minutes Sunday morning local time.  The exact cause is unknown.  However, a homeless man near the scene of the incident has reported that the restaurant was stolen, then returned, by tiny lizard people.

Missing Person Count Rising as Rash of Disappearances Continues Unabated

The once-sleepy town of Maple Valley WA has become a hotbed of dread and anxiety. Recent weeks have seen an epidemic of disappearances rip through the archetypically calm and safe community. Over the past two weeks, more than 70 missing persons reports have been filed with the Maple Valley Police Department - an amount which exceeds the total number of missing persons reports previously filed over the course of the last five years.

"At first," said Office Danny Buspecci, 34, "we thought we were dealing with some kind of cult - you know, a bunch of folks get caught up in some bad business, get convinced that whatever charlatan they've met is some kind of old god or fairy prince or what have you, and run off from home without saying goodbye." The police department's opinion changed, however, when after a week, no witnesses had come forward for any of the reported cases. "See, with cults, people always talk. They try and spread. Marge's missing teenager shows up at the library with a shaved head, a pamphlet, and a blue robe. None of that this time. This time, it's quiet, and that means something serious is going on."

Despite intensive investigation, there have been no bodies found and no suspects identified. The Maple Valley police department advises residents to travel in groups and to stay home after dark, while other groups claim that the police - inundated with missing persons reports - are unequipped to handle the ongoing disaster, and push for involvement from either the state or, in some cases, independent vigilante organizations including the Sons of Salem. Whether this threat is mundane or supernatural, we urge anyone with any information about these disappearances to contact the Maple Valley Police Department as soon as possible.