Issac Norton II's Questionnaire

BREAKING NEWS FROM KPIX-TV CBS SAN FRANCISCO

A news van with a camera crew pulls up to a dilapidated old home in San Fancisco - the announcer faces the camera:


"Thanks Paul; here we are at what is commonly believed to be the residence of Issac Neuman, now more commonly known as Emperor Issac Norton the Second. The Tech CEO turned itinerant Emperor has been a fixture for some time in these neighborhoods, but only recently made a stunning proclamation to every living thing in the region, calling for the recall of current DA John Richardson - how this was accomplished still defies explanation, & we are here to garner answers for the public."

Several tall, armored figures can be seen lounging on the dilapidated foyer, soaking up what limited sun is available from the encroaching apartment buildings nearby. They come alert as the news people approach. The announcer continues:

"It is known this property was purchased in total by Neuman during his tenure as CEO of uWork, flush with Venture Capital. When he liquidated his assets later, contributing an estimated $1.4 billion to charity, he maintained this building as his sole residence - let's see if he is home."

The reporters make their way forward through the weed choked lawn cautiously...the mysterious "guards" of Norton do have holsters for sidearms, but they only carry water pistols.

"What is your business with the Earth Sovereign". the words are followed by a mechanical voice a moment later, "what is your business with the earth sovereign"

The reporter can be seen to gulp at the mechanical voice, but presses on gamely.

"We have come to ask Mr. Norton some questions about the events over the last few days, the Recall election & why-"

The man is interrupted as the Emperor himself exits the broken door, fully garbed in feathered tophat, epaulets, riding boots & jacket. He is flanked by two mongrel dogs. The soldiers come to attention as he exits.

"Ah, what a glorious day in this, the City of Saint Francis! Made better by the appearance of guests! What may the Emperor do for his subjects on this exceptional morning?"

"Ah...um, yes. Mr, Neuman the public would like-"

"The Free Press! Another credit to our Constitution, a Free & Fair press contributes to the transparency of information, & thus the Freedom of all - even so, my good sir: it is only proper to address one's Sovereign by title in such public formats - the people expect nothing less!"

"Title? Er, yes, Your Majesty, the people would like to know about this recent move to displace the District Attorney as well as the methods with which-"

One of the Aliens interjects with, "Shall we wet about the fortifications, My Lord?", to which Norton responds;

"The upkeep...yes, while we must indeed do something about the roof I fear the Imperial Treasury is dedicated elsewhere - I am certain we shall find all the required materials readily however! America was forged by industrious hands, & there is no shortage of good wood waiting to be recycled & put to use once more. We can think of no better way to live than at the kindness of Our neighbors - after all - do we not Rule at their sufferance?"

The armored being seems satisfied, & leaves Norton to be interviewed by the Camera Crew, attended by his Honor Guard of Mongrel Dogs.

"Emperor Norton: can you tell the public why you have moved to displace the DA? What is your vision for the Bay Area?"

"While the greater area of San Francisco, Oakland, & yes even all of California are the rightful palace of the Imperial Office of these United States, make no mistake that ALL of America is equally precious to your Emperor, from sea to shining sea. It is only proper the the legislative, judicial, & executive branch be allowed to conduct their business far to the East while the Imperial Authority lies distant - a show of trust in the competence of Our servants, if you will."

A ray of sunshine breaks the clouds, dancing in Norton's eyes as if it shone for him alone.

"The people of America must know that their Sovereign will brook no obstacle to finding the Promise upon which our Great Country was built! Setting local matters right is but one step in creating a future free of the suffering that has haunted our collective past, has left too many hands grasping for an American Dream that seems forever more distant. No more, Sir! The Imperial Office will no longer stand idly by while such corruption exists! Only when the glory of these United States is equal for all will the Our work be done!"

"Those are...lofty goals your highness. I am certain our viewers would like to know...um...how did you come to find yourself, eh, Emperor?"

"It is true that a precise lineage is most often the case with matters Royal. Yet, blood is a poor substitute for a truly Divine Mandate, is it not? So it was that in Our previous life as CEO of uWork that we took a sabbatical to experiment with Ayahuasca in a more traditional format, a ritual conducted by local shamans. While no stranger to DMT at that time, it was said that the experience was altogether more transformative when closer to it's root origins. So it came to pass that, under the guidance of those Shamen & the liquid spirits of the Earth itself, Issac Neuman was visited by the ghost of Emperor Joseph Norton, & was shown both the errors in his regrettable life of greed & naked pursuit of power for an altogether different path - one where Power is invested only to serve the people."

"So it came to pass that We would divest Ourselves of all such wealth, giving it back to those it had always rightly belonged too: The American People. It was a requirement of the following lawsuit that We keep this domicile, less those funds be put into a Trust...while we could have easily over ruled such a ruling with a stroke of the Imperial Pen, it is not meet to circumvent Judicial systems in such a manner. Always, the Sovereign must respect the laws of his land."

The larger dog *whuffs* as if in approval.

"Now We share this abode with our faithful servants you met before as well as my own Honor Guard, Bummer & Lazarus."

Norton indicates the two Mongrel Dogs.

"Such illustrious local celebrities need no further introduction, of course."

The reporter looks back at the camera man questioningly, who simply shrugs."No...of course not your Majesty."

"...um...so we understand you attended Harvard?"

"Ah yes...the Alma Mater - as one so privileged it was expected, all but a matter of course. Born to providence with well to do parents who were also Alumni. You could say Harvard was destiny. However, the Divine Plan is not meant to be known by mere mortals, is it not? So it should come to pass that a Harvard Education would be less useful than the vast breadth of contacts & networking opportunities, which in turn would pave the way to Silicone Valley & endless tides of Venture Capital."

Norton's gaze is distant, seeming to look directly into the past - his countenance is shadowed: clearly the Emperor does not like what he sees there.

"Yet, where one might attempt to direct Fate, it is the role of the humble man to be directed by it instead - it is true that We have not meaningfully spoken with Our parents since Our ascendancy, yet this also is part of the Divine Plan - my Mother is the American Dream, my Father the Founding Fathers who created this Grand Experiment!"

"Well then...if the family is not involved...surely there is a, em, significant other who shares the...er, burdens of State?"

"Matrimony. Yes, it has been brought to Our attention that We should go about the business of lines of succession as well as marriageable prospects. It is...difficult. Our heart is filled with love for the American People, so much so that the common pleasures of romantic involvement must be laid aside for the burden of Rulership. "Heavy is the head that bears the Crown," they say - a lonely plight, however much needed, nay, even DEMANDED by the American People."

Norton pauses to consider before adding:

"We have considered an alliance with such progeny as still exists in the Middle Kingdom - by that We mean China of course. Our own Chinese citizens are among our most loyal subjects, & it would do much to repair the ties between our two Great Nations."

"...your Majesty - you talked, um...a great deal about the need for action. Can you elaborate on that?"

"Yes indeed...the time is nigh that the nation, even the World must come to a reckoning. The unknown, even Unknowable pounds at our gates, & we meet it with what? Fear, superstition, & blind aggression. Without guidance it is axiomatic, even inevitable that not only Humankind but all denizens of this Spaceship we call Earth are headed to extinction...this is something the Emperor of these United States simply cannot allow."

Norton strikes the floor of the front porch with his parasol to emphasize the point, punching a hole in the rotten wood & causing the veranda to creeeak menacingly. The news crew looks nervous, but Norton fails to notice.

"Yet what is to be done? The truth, as We have come to understand it, is that there is little to fear from the unknown, & much more to fear from fear itself!As a people, we succumb to our fears which lead us to make dreadful mistakes, clouding our judgement & robbing us of empathy & compassion! There are few greater threats to our world than this pervading fear - we, as Americans, must raise the light of Freedom & Democracy high, so that it's light may banish the darkness of fear & ignorance, leading the world into a better future!"

"That sounds wonderful your Majesty - uh, is this veranda safe? Perhaps we could move the interview to a Pete's Coffee..."

"Nonsense! This domicile was crafted in 1912, when we as a people celebrated craftsmanship & took pride in the work of our own hands! Why, nothing could be safer!"

Norton gesticulates at the craftsmanship with his parasol, quite superb if not for the rot, mildew, & mold...

"Ah, yes...San Francisco - the Jewel in the proverbial crown of these United States of America. Much like Our illustrious predecessor, we were gifted our Imperial Attire by the people, as well as the Imperial Parasol - as is befitting for a public servant, albeit a Sovereign. We carry these badges of office with a song in Our heart, just as we collectively carry the American Dream into a brighter future. Beyond these symbols of office - what else could We possibly require? Is it not enough for any man to carry the burden of leadership over the Greatest Nation in history?"

"That all sounds like...something," the Reporter looks back at the crew as if asking for help; whether he finds it or not, he continues, "So, how do you mean to solve fear & ignorance for Humanity?"

"The way any Sovereign must, good sir; by leading the way! There is a great deal to be done in the world, even in Our own fair city - quite intolerable really - why, assuming the position of District attorney is but one, small step. Still, one must start with such steps, taking arm against a sea of trouble, & by opposing: end them. Our troubles are the troubles of the American people, as well as the animals, both domestic & wild, & yes: even the very Land itself. To list them would be an endless task, as they only grow with the underlying cause untreated. However, as We The People come closer to stemming this tide of woes, then we become a mighty wave, our momentum building both from the work of our hands & the shoulder of those giants who paved the way for our success! With America united there is NO obstacle that cannot be overcome!"

"I see. Yes, so...you Majesty - I hear you say a lot about what needs to be done, but what are you actually doing? How do you mean to achieve this great work?"

"Ah, how indeed...how indeed! Well, as it was known in Our predecessors time, a healthy body holds a healthy mind! We make certain to practice the sublime mysteries of Tai Chi to allow our spirit to flow freely...usually in the first lights of dawn at Golden Gate Park along with any others who would choose to partake - after that it is required that the Emperor parade through the streets, for the moral of the people, you know. After such matters have been attended to, it is time to "roll up the sleeves" as our resolute forebears might say - the day & night is full of such works, as those in need are without number."

Norton pauses to consider, brow furrowing in thought, before adding:

"It is of course quite advantageous to be wholly sustained by the American Dream & thus not require sustenance of a more mundane affair. Anyone can do it you know - breathing exercises, optimal flow of energy, meditate on the Bill of Rights - why if the whole world was America we could end hunger today!"

"I'm sorry...did you just say you don't sleep? Or eat? Bill of Rights?"

Norton ignores the question, caught up in the moment.

"Of course, there is more to life than practicing good living! An Emperor has affairs of State to attend, do they not? Why, only recently we have made First Contact with several Alien nations - the Leader of a People must always present as an epitome of those whom they serve - so it is that the Feathered Top Hat, Tailed Coat, Imperial Breeches & Riding Boots must always be in top form! Why, if We are to treat with foreign dignitaries, government officials, Kings, Queens, Pharaohs (ah, We should check on our dear Pharaoh & see how he is adjusting to modern times), or Alien Overlords - the Emperor of the United States stands READY to offer the hand of friendship & the olive branch of World, nay, Universal Peace!

The camera crew exchange glances & mouth the word "Aliens?" with some alarm.

"Yes, the olive branch - perhaps a dozen doves may be convinced to wing over such a momentous occasion...I'll need to speak with our local pigeons on the matter. We have a Royal Birthday coming up, after all. While it is Our habit to eschew gifts from those who would pay tribute to our office, the People would be well served by the spectacle of a new treaty with an Alien World, we should think. What better way to forge ahead in the New World we will create here on Earth - after we have made reparations for the crimes of the past of course - slavery reparations, honoring all such treaties that have been made with the honored First Nations...too much for one Birthday? Perhaps. We will see what the pigeons think."

The camera crew now is becoming a bit...concerned. Did he just actually say he means to consult with pigeons for advice?

"The sins of our Fore fathers...yes, this weighs heavily. While it is simply known that America is unparalleled in all the world, & quite possibly the Galaxy, the way has been hard. Mistakes were made, & those who should have been protected by our mighty shield fell victim to our terrible sword instead. Would that the Past was laid bare & We could speak with those who let such fear blind them to their fellow humans plight...We weep for the fallen, yet it is these tears that forge our resolve to build a better world still! Let all scales be balanced, let all wounds be healed, let all people know that humanity will not let the mistakes of the past drive them to further isolation but instead will pull together, lifting those who injured & providing what succor we can."

Norton does indeed shed a tear at this statement.

"yes, gentlemen - if We The People are to soon ascend to the Galactic Stage, we must first honor & fulfill those promises we have already made, wouldn't you agree? Anything less is ill-befitting a people touched by the hand of the Almighty."

"So...your Majesty...do you, uh...do you actually talk to Pigeons?"

"An excellent question! To which We simply reply: but of course! The Sovereign must be able to speak to all of their citizens, as well as any foreigners that might visit our sacred shores - so it is that through the common bond that is shared by all children of the Almighty that all languages are known to Us - be they foreign, beast, or in fact alien. Some day perhaps, We may learn to listen to the words on the wind or interpret the songs of the mountain. In truth, just as our clothing was provided by the People, so too is our strength - To paraphrase Arthurian Tales: The Land is the King & the King is the Land - such strength is as boundless as our sacred freedoms, & is a great burden - one only fit to the line of Emperors to hold. Fortunately, Joseph Norton the First is kind enough to lend his wisdom from time to time, which We would be quite lost without."

"I'm sorry - you also talk to the ghost of Joseph Norton?"

"Just so. Our Illustrious Predecessor has been quite helpful in attending to Matters of State. With such Divine Providence at Our side, the perilous division that seeks to destroy this Great Nation is easily wiped away - you see, America is indeed "One Nation, Under God" yet the wise know that Almighty holds as many faces as there are people on the Earth - not at all surprising, since each view is valid in it's own right. Not merely the monolithic religions, but each human heart & soul holds the seeds of greatness - it hardly matters what name you call the Almighty, it is enough to feel the warmth & love shining down on us from on high, the Divine light that nurtures Humanity & uplifts us all. With that might harnessed to Our collective will, all paths, all views, are quite literally "The Truth."

"I see...so all religions are valid. What of those events that challenge the established Faiths, your Majesty? The Kraken attack, or your own...um, "followers."

"It is true that the world even now in this enlightened age holds many mysteries, some wondrous, others wholly blasphemous. Just as our ancestors toiled away never able to conceive fully of the fruit of their labors for future generations, so must we accept that not all our question will be answered in our lifetime. Yet we stride boldly forward into the unknown, without fear & without hesitation! It with the light of compassion & the fires beating in our American hearts that the final darkness shall be banished & a better world will be left in our wake! Let no American let Doubt dwell in their heart: The role of Emperor is to lead by example, & We can state with no small assurance that no event, trial or tribulation has ever caused the slightest Doubt to enter Our mind...how could it? Are We not the Emperor of these United States?"

"...so, about Mr. Quest - where did you meet him?"

"The loyal servants of the Empire are as numerous as they are dedicated, sir! To count them would be akin to counting the grains of sand on a beach. In every case, they are ordinary citizens, doing their Civic Duty as best they can: We daresay that I have perhaps met the same one from time to time while on parade or about the affairs of State - names do escape Us however. Would that one man had the time to know each of the citizens under his auspice, yet there are only so many hours in the day. Yet, the names are not required for Us to know them, for their brave American hearts shine true to us, an aura about them that, when channeled to noble purpose, empowers them to do great feats of goodwill! So much so that hearts & minds are turned in their passing, & the scales of greed & callous disregard fall from the eyes of those we must oppose!"

"So Mr. Quest is a "concerned citizen" then? There are troubling reports-"

If Norton heard this question is unclear, as he builds momentum from his previous words.

"Would that all of America could be so blessed! So filled with that vital American Spirit as to transcend the so-called laws of physics! We envision such a place, a place not unlike the Halls of Justice or Congress, but dedicated to the perfect implementation of the American Dream - open to all, where as a people we can learn from the mistakes of the past & dream a better future into being! We see the Bill of Rights & the Constitution available to all, in all languages known so that every living creature may understand it's place in the hands of the Almighty, an integral part of what makes Our Country great!"

"All languages? Your majesty: these seem like noble aspirations but how will you achieve such a thing in a divided country?"

"With words, my good sir! With words!For words are the means to meaning, & while these humble shoulders carry a great burden it is not carried alone - nay, for do we not stand on the shoulders of Giants? As Joseph Norton the First stands beside Us & the Almighty stands with us all - Words are how the world shall be brought into a greater future - even the finest work on one's hands must some day crumble, just as our poor bodies must return to the dust whence they came, yet Ideas may endure the test of time, carried from one heart to another forging society as they pass. As Emperor of the United States & Defender of Mexico, my words must carry the weight of  destiny - & so they do. We will speak a better world into existence, & our words shall be the foundation on which the future is built."

"Just to be clear - you mean everyone, right? Convicts, the poor, even animals?"

"But of course! All life is a gift, & deserves the utmost respect - where you see a criminal, We see a wayward lamb begging to be returned to the flock. So it is that all life is of incomparable value, & even those who would seem to be truly heinous have come to see the light of compassion after a stern reprimand from their rightful Liege. As a society of Law we must open a path for those who have been misled to return to society - to repair what was broken, to re-enter the Social Contract. Of course, this applies to the beasts of land, air, & sea - for are we not directed to be Good Stewards of this, our Eden? Just as the voiceless babe is free of sin, are not the denizens of the animal kingdoms? It is hypocrisy to extend the hand of compassion only to some - so it is that we will learn from those we imagine to be subordinate to us, & become better for it."

Hahahha - Norton? Ok...

1) Andy Williams - Born Free

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=krnOyo8IsrE

Beyond the obvious Americana angle, Norton is not even slightly in touch with reality...quite liberating. Freedom for all!

2) Woody Guthrie - This Land is my Land, This Land is your Land

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qo_A-7Pespg

You better believe he believes it too - Made for EVERYBODY, including the pigeons. Norton can converse with anything that speaks, & is perfectly happy conversing with plants, rocks or passing clouds as well. All Citizens of this Great Nation!

3) The Emperor Norton Waltz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEwIUxxS5ac

Can't forget our roots - Emperor Norton the first was quite the actual character. Have to remind myself sometimes to do him justice. The Ghost of Norton the First is a constant presence for Issac.

4) Sons of Emperor Norton - Sons of Emperor Norton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fSFYHv1H3FA

They say madness is contagious. With the proverbial "cat out of the bag" & Norton becoming illuminated, the world may get weird. After all, he only wants what's best for us...right? Can a sufficiently powerful Contractor upend social conventions? Ask the Former District Attorney of the Bay Area...

5) Sunday Comes - Emperor Norton

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-bN71HnJHRQ

Bit of a history lesson. Looks like I crossed a wire with his name, "Joshua" not Joseph - will need to correct that, going senile. The two dogs were never actually Norton's dogs, but it fits the narrative & he needs some "minders"

6) Ray Charles - America the Beautiful

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZYH8v42a2w

I'm really not sure where I'm going with this guy. It's a small miracle he's gotten this far. Perception 1 is BRUTAL. I am unable to even imagine Norton as a Vet, or even participating in a Vet test effectively. More likely to wander off & talk to pigeons if left to his own devices.

7) Dirty Poor Robins - Enchante

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XSTgVQzGEA

Maybe it fits? Bah, I don't care: this is my song of the week - It's my God Damn Quiz - fight me!

The reporter is visibly perplexed, unsure if he is talking to a raving madman or being punk'd by an expert con artist. The words of the Emperor do carry the subtle ring of truth to ALL who listen however, as he continues on:

"With the knowledge of life's intrinsic value & the empathy that must follow such revelation, We shall lead the way - not merely with words, but with Action! For America is a diverse nation united by the formidable spirit of the Pioneer, a Nation that steps forward when others would step back. We shall carry more than our fair share because we have the strength, will, & heart to do so, asking nothing of this world in return...for it has already given us so much. We will lead the Nations of the world by example, showing those less fortunate to walk under the sheltering hand of American liberty a path which they too can make a better world for themselves & the countless generations that follow - we envision a day when the heart of humanity, unfettered by the past, marches forward into the stars as a single people. Will America lose it's identity in that great dissolution? Of course not! Are We not already "the great melting pot?" The day we march forward as one, we shall do so as Americans, every single one!"

"All Americans? So other countries should submit to your rule? That seems like a very expansionist posture, your Majesty - even Colonial..."

"Poppycock & Balderdash! We should remind you that the Emperor serves at the will of the people, sir! To allow oneself to be so short sighted is to rob oneself & others of their ability to DREAM! To build a greater future We must aspire, wonder, & dream of a better world. When We speak of all of Humanity being American it centers on Our boundless love for the ideals of the Great Experiment that makes this Country great as well as empathy & compassion for those who are not so fortunate. If one were to take the long view, would not all living things wish to be American?"

Norton places a hand over his heart in an attempt to restrain the passion that spills forth like blood from a wound. His voice trembles, & the eyes seen below the brim of his feathered top hat seem to smolder.

"It is a sad world indeed that has yet to learn from the mistakes of it's past - to this day, good & honorable people give the power that is rightfully their own to those whom have hearts filled with greed & callous disregard for their own neighbors. To assume a position of authority through brute violence & intimidation is NOT leadership! It is a deplorable act that robs those of good will the agency to enact their own change on the world. For every dream smothered in such a fashion the Human Experience is lessened, every voice shouted down a travesty. We say the world shall be American because they shall choose to throw off the chains of tyranny & join Us on this journey to a better future! With a song carried in every heart, the joy of Freedom & Liberty carried openly, shining from every eye...that is what it means to be truly "American" sir!"

"Um...well. That all sounds..." The reporter is at a momentary loss. "Can you tell us more about how you managed to contact every one in the Bay Area?"

"The mysteries of the Imperial Postal Agency are great indeed, are they not? Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds - & so it is. We leave such matters to our designated officials unless a matter calls for Our personal attention. Thus far, they have performed quite exceptionally, so We have little cause to mettle. For the best really, the Hand of the Emperor can be heavy, & it is meet that Our dedicated public servants simply know their Sovereign trusts in their discretion. Theirs is not a life of pomp & circumstance, a public existence where all secrets simply must be known for the sake of transparency. While other world leaders have insisted on secrecy, We find that the Truth serves us best."

"I see...then you don't mind sharing the recent, uh, affairs of state that you have been seen at? The matter in Indiana for instance?"

"Again, the Emperor is but a humble servant of his constituents. When a concerned citizen pleas for Imperial aid, it is our solemn duty to provide such. We have found ourselves whisked away on many such matters that require Our attention from time to time. This is only proper, as no matter that concerns Our citizens is a trivial matter to the Empire. Often these matters show a distressing lack of transparency regarding the nature of what assistance is required...it may be that, not unlike the current office of District Attorney, that We shall be required to ask for the resignations of these individuals should they not take their work more seriously."

Norton brushes off the idea as if merely an inconvenience.

"We are certain they will see the necessity & abdicate power in a responsible fashion. After all, We speak with the voice of the people, for are We not The Emperor of the United States, the Defender of Mexico?"

"I see - these...missions? Are they dangerous, then?"

"One must occasionally take up Arms against oppression, it is sad but true. When Arms are deployed, blood will flow. We weep that Our Loyal Subjects would ever be called to defend the ideals of this Great Nation & the person of their Emperor, yet We know that such must surely come to pass. When our subjects depart this world to rejoin the Almighty, they are given every honor befitting such patriots - it is a solemn duty, but one We will not shirk from - as the names carved on many a memorial dotting Our country, or even more shamefully the names of those lost to history in the growing pains of the past: We shall remember every single name, & see to it they are honored for making the ultimate sacrifice for a brighter future for us all. When that dream is realized, it will belong to them, & We will feel their love shine down on us from above, knowing their sacrifice was not in vain."

"I'm sorry your Highness...but shouldn't such matters be left to Law Enforcement? If they are as dangerous as you say..."

"Ah, you would be correct insofar as "To Protect & to Serve" is the clarion call that unites our brave First Responders - We owe them a debt that can never be repaid, selflessly putting their very lives on the line for their fellow Americans! While We have the utmost faith in those who have taken up such a noble profession, it is yet true that some matters are beyond the scope of the constable, sheriff, or federal agent - treating with foreign powers, be they ancient or alien, or correcting the mistakes of the past by Imperial Decree. It is then that the Emperor must act, boldly & decisively, with what power has been vested in Us by a large majority of the Citizens of these United States. While it is true, Our word is the highest law in the land, We must take care to not disrupt the local hierarchy - our good servants in Law Enforcement have earned our trust & the trust of our subjects - it is not appropriate to seize such authority from them unless the situation demands it."

"So, you are saying you support law enforcement? What about police brutality? Calls to defund the police are common now...you are opposed to that?"

"To be thy Brother's Keeper is a difficult task indeed. With all the joys life has in store for us, it also carries sorrows - anyone who must carry not only their own burden but the burden of their fellows is hard pressed to not let such weight darken their heart & lead them astray. A fact We feel all to keenly, bearing the such a burden of responsibility as rightful Sovereign of the Greatest Nation in history. However, one willingly takes these steps, to carry such burdens, to allow such pressures & temptations to drive them off the path of greater morality into a darkness of the soul. When that happens, they must be quickly stopped before they can harm others & in so doing harm themselves. Only when they have been brought to Justice can the healing begin - We would expect any of our subjects to hold Us fully accountable of any wrong we had committed, just as would hold even the highest echelons of temporal power accountable through the powers granted by our Office. No one is above the Law, provided those Laws serve the people."

"You have spoken of the "sins of the past" - would you like to clarify that position?"

"We cannot pass judgement on what has gone before, only join the victims in grieving the wrongs done them & offering what succor we may. To do otherwise is to enable an endless cycle of revenge, with no end in sight. We, as Americans, must hearken to only the highest moral & ethical standards, as it is up to us to bring our American Dream to the World & still further to what worlds lay beyond. As your Emperor, it stands to reason that We must be held to a still higher standard yet, impossible as that may seem. As the personified image of American Will, Tenacity, & Compassion, the Emperor must be above the petty temptations of greed & self interest. While We are only human at the end of the day, & cannot claim company with the luminaries that have guided us to the great awakening to come, We can say with certainty: The role of Emperor exists to guide others to a greater future, not to succumb to the temptations of power."

"I see...so "concerned citizens" are behind these "missions" where you have met, um, Aliens?"

"Just so. Why, the first such adventure was handed down by Our good friend & loyal subject Ralph Turlock. We are sure you know Ralph: CEO of Prometheus Ventures - wonderful man, though perhaps a touch to keen on hoarding more than his fair share of wealth."

Norton winks at the camera & places a finger against his nose, knowingly.

"We know you are watching Ralph - just as We know you will some day follow suit & donate your fortune for the Greater Good. We knew Ralph from various Silicon Valley venture capital fundraisers when We too pursued wealth as if it was a meaningful goal. The fact that Ralph was the first to bring such special matters to Our attention after Our ascendancy warms the heart - an old friend returning to the fold. We will hear nothing ill of Our good servant Ralph Turlock!"