The Void

After my encounter in that 'forest' or whatever it was in the end, against the tree, I found myself powerless, incapable of doing anything to aid the others in combating it. Whatever could be the reason, I knew in myself, I needed to better my own capabilities in order to never be met with such a situation again. And so I set out and took to training with many tools, knives, swords, axes, guns, guns and more guns. It all seemed to be the same until I placed my hand on an innocent looking bow. The ink spread from the tips of fingers onto it. The ink spread and enveloped it entirely. As I began to use that bow, firing an arrow, I could see an immediate change.

As I drew back the arrow, it too started to be covered in ink, transforming into a dark, black shade. When I released it, the arrow moved with speed and intensity I could never produce before, as it cut through the air and finally hit the target head on....And just as it did, it started to fade, a transient bringer of the end, disappearing in the starless night, just as soon as it had done its work. Simple and effecient.

I could see now that the Bow was my call to arms. And what a better weapon for an assassin to use? The bow and the arrows it fired seemed to be imbued with ink that could allow me perfect shots no matter what the conditions, be it rain, untoward terrain, nothing seemed to be capable of throwing me off my aim. And with it, I'm sure, my fate will be secure.

I cannot decide if I would prefer my bones and muscles remain light as they were, or adapt to my new body… my pride tells me the former is the truer path, but the latter certainly helps with all of the new bruises.

I suppose I have no choice in the matter either way. I don’t understand yet what decides when I… adapt… or advance. Advancement came, among bruises and abrasions that nevertheless taught me about my composition in a way I was unable to study before. I asked my brothers and sisters, pleaded pathetically with them to tell me how I can regain myself, and finally when I did beg they told me to learn like they did- jump, and jump, and jump until you fly.

I felt like a fool, but what else could I do? An unconventional path? Undoubtedly. I know no one else who jumps off rocks and screes as I did, tumbling through the grass… until finally, it clicked. I’m ashamed to admit the breaking point was hearing laughter in the distance, I’m not even entirely sure on human or corvid, but it enraged me as I climbed up the cliff and I felt I would do anything to fly again.

And it pulled from me like fishhooks on my essence. Stretching my soul out like a rubber band, if only for a moment, back into the shape it remembers… I could soar before it snapped back, but I could soar.

I did it again, and again, until I was exhausted. And then I brought a mirror out to see what it looked like when I did, picking up bandages along the way. It looks just as it felt. My core came out, flickering but living and there, and as I climbed the hill to see it again… I pushed myself too far. I woke up when the beetles came out to harass me.

• Advancement came on hardship
• Necessary to beg
• Desperation unlocks power?
• Soul is still flickering
• Know my limits

So i got some sleep and am still trying to deside weather what i expericanced is a dream or a drug induced hallusination.  But if eather of those are true, why am I missing Ammo and an aid kit? guess i could have dropped it somewhere.

Havent heard much from Jon.  he has been gone for a few months now and should have been back by now.  I wonder what those 2 other men wanted and why they wouldnt look me in the eye..,anyway im sure he is fine as always but i miss him.  He's way to young to have a daughter my age but he's the only one i know.  Dont know why he took me in or why he left...guess it wasnt my buisness.

Jon taught me to hunt and gather and protect myself.  he seems to know everything about me and i know so little about him.  what does he do when he leaves the cabin?  why wont he tell me where he was when he comes back?

Anyway, not sure if there is much left to do but ponder and practice.