The Void

The hat guy was supposed to put me close to where I needed to go for the next Seal... Not like the animal, like the biblical seven seals, that's what the Breaker said, that he's the first out of the box, and I'm glad that I know that there's only six left if he was telling the truth but apparently everyone's lying to me because hat guy didn't put me where he said he would either. He put me in the middle of  Colarado in a cemetery called Lee Cemetery where there were a bunch of graves of pioneers. Hope didn't have any idea where we were and was all quiet cause maybe she didn't know what to say about all the other dead people and the ghosts we met that weren't like Obedience or The Breaker, just more like the memory kind of ghosts, like they were doing things over and over again, walking and playing along the trail and we walked it forever and the sun never came up and it was all the kids that died on that trail and some of the adults. They didn't notice me and I guess I didn't want their attention for awhile. I could just walk and watch the stars move really slowly while more and more... I guess I'd call them shades, more and more shades joined us. Nobody bothered me and I don't think that if anyone saw us they'd actually see us. Especially in my burqa in the dark, but I took that off for awhile until I got nervous. 

Eventually we got to this big river and it made sense why there were shades with unfinished business in the first place: they couldn't cross it. Or I guess that's why most of them were there, I couldn't ask. I had to actually try by then. Sally didn't have anything to ask and I did find some tools but digging a bunch of random holes wasn't gonna be a good idea and probably wouldn't get me anywhere. But I could come back and work on it eventually, so it's good I'm writing it down. Obedience couldn't touch them and it seemed like they couldn't hear either of us very well, like we were calling at them from way across a field. The gauntlet definitely worked, but they did what I was worried about and just started reaching and crowding and not actually paying attention so I had to go up and across the big river and leave them. I think they forgot really quickly.

I went back to a farmhouse that I'd seen in the distance awhile ago and they have lights and wifi I guess and a dog that barked at me and power lines, so I took an old bike that had rust and spiderwebs and I've been following the power lines. I can't tell if it's lights or still stars in the distance but I think it's people lights, I just need to stop for a minute until my legs stop hurting.

(-A winding river curls through the paragraphs and margins of this page, scattered with dismembered hands and cow faces.-)

After my encounter in that 'forest' or whatever it was in the end, against the tree, I found myself powerless, incapable of doing anything to aid the others in combating it. Whatever could be the reason, I knew in myself, I needed to better my own capabilities in order to never be met with such a situation again. And so I set out and took to training with many tools, knives, swords, axes, guns, guns and more guns. It all seemed to be the same until I placed my hand on an innocent looking bow. The ink spread from the tips of fingers onto it. The ink spread and enveloped it entirely. As I began to use that bow, firing an arrow, I could see an immediate change.

As I drew back the arrow, it too started to be covered in ink, transforming into a dark, black shade. When I released it, the arrow moved with speed and intensity I could never produce before, as it cut through the air and finally hit the target head on....And just as it did, it started to fade, a transient bringer of the end, disappearing in the starless night, just as soon as it had done its work. Simple and effecient.

I could see now that the Bow was my call to arms. And what a better weapon for an assassin to use? The bow and the arrows it fired seemed to be imbued with ink that could allow me perfect shots no matter what the conditions, be it rain, untoward terrain, nothing seemed to be capable of throwing me off my aim. And with it, I'm sure, my fate will be secure.

I cannot decide if I would prefer my bones and muscles remain light as they were, or adapt to my new body… my pride tells me the former is the truer path, but the latter certainly helps with all of the new bruises.

I suppose I have no choice in the matter either way. I don’t understand yet what decides when I… adapt… or advance. Advancement came, among bruises and abrasions that nevertheless taught me about my composition in a way I was unable to study before. I asked my brothers and sisters, pleaded pathetically with them to tell me how I can regain myself, and finally when I did beg they told me to learn like they did- jump, and jump, and jump until you fly.

I felt like a fool, but what else could I do? An unconventional path? Undoubtedly. I know no one else who jumps off rocks and screes as I did, tumbling through the grass… until finally, it clicked. I’m ashamed to admit the breaking point was hearing laughter in the distance, I’m not even entirely sure on human or corvid, but it enraged me as I climbed up the cliff and I felt I would do anything to fly again.

And it pulled from me like fishhooks on my essence. Stretching my soul out like a rubber band, if only for a moment, back into the shape it remembers… I could soar before it snapped back, but I could soar.

I did it again, and again, until I was exhausted. And then I brought a mirror out to see what it looked like when I did, picking up bandages along the way. It looks just as it felt. My core came out, flickering but living and there, and as I climbed the hill to see it again… I pushed myself too far. I woke up when the beetles came out to harass me.

• Advancement came on hardship
• Necessary to beg
• Desperation unlocks power?
• Soul is still flickering
• Know my limits